My mama...

was rushed to the hospital again yesterday morning.
She coughed out blood .
She had 4 packs of blood transfusion today.

What to do?

Stop right there.

I think I have been asking the wrong question.
It's not "what to do" ...it's how to feel and what to believe.

Worldly part of me is deeply shaken..Yes, of course I panicked.
It's my mom and I really don't want anything bad happen to her.

For now, I have $20 in my account..
My mind is in a whirlwind where to get
money for my mama's hospitals bills again.
It sucks ha? But this is just temporary.I know.

Somehow, part of me is frustrated and in other ways have entertained the devil's thoughts saying these words to me..
"Look at you! Where's your God and Jesus?? You are so pathetic, don't you get it... There's no God and Jesus. See I have proven to you. You were better off without Him then! Look at the others, they are enjoying life with me!"

But I just replied to the devil, "What are you so anxious about little devil?
You are like a politician --you talk too much!"

Then God talked to me on this verse...Jeremiah 17:5 "Thus says the Lord: “ Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord."


Sometimes, I get used to the feeling that everytime someone in the family is sick and I ran out of cash, I seek to people who can loan me cash instantly. Then I feel better. Seems like everything is in money...
If you have the money, you are ok!
That has become a habit..


Of course, today I truly, badly need money. For my mom's presciptions and all.
I cannot just ask my cousin in Cebu to go to a pharmacy and preach about Jesus
so they will give her the meds. Lolx! I cannot imagine doing that myself. Nor Jesus would want that to happen.
Because I believe I am a child of God. And God is my refuge...my Provider --I shall not want..
My God has a big hand..and He will take care of everything..

How will He do it? I don't know. Just watch...


Yes, I feel I am in the last burst of fire that the devil is playing on me right now.
In a movie, it's the climax part.

I know...It's not going to be easy...but with Jesus..I can surely stand on solid ground with all these. Every storm in my life shall come before me, but all I can
say is that..they are beneath me. and I am standing atop of them..
They may can shake me a bit, here and there, but I shall never fall!
Because Jesus has me. And I believe Him because of what He did to the calvary..
He died for me. If that revelation wouldn't move me at all..you can just flush me out somewhere.

Lastly.
There's this traditional church adage that goes,
"God helps those who help themselves.."

But it's not in the Bible eh?

Yes, with all my might I always tried helping myself , on my works, in my own efforts
and confidence... but I failed.It has become a catch24 which I wasn't so impressed of.
I felt I don't deserved to be leaving that way.

Then one day, I just got tired of it all and gave up..turned everything to God
and here I am.
With all these storms rocking my brains out, all the odds against me, the challenges and financial setbacks,I still praise my God because my victory is in Him!

Jesus has done my fight when He said "It is finished!"

Period.