"Integrity"
Funny how this word can strike me twice in a day.
Once, when a friend of mine,
...upon knowing I still keep doing the things that hurt me the most.
And why I don't stand firm on the things that I believe to be are 'right'.
or as categorized as right have asked me 'Where's my integrity ?'
Twice, in my cellgroup. The topic of the night
It's where some characters on the book of Daniel
have shown integrity towards God inspite of their endangered situation.
As my friend puts it. Integrity is
"-standing for what is true
-being honest..about yourself, about your life, about ur convictions
and standing for it even if your circumstances or situation is endangered
another term wich can be related with integrity is compromise.."
In my current situation, "integrity" seems so hard to fathom.
For I know I have not been so honest with myself lately.
Moreover, grasping the thought of 'standing firm'
to what seem to be is right doesn't give me enough reasons
to just give in. Yeah Im stubborn alright.
Why am I still doing things that I know must come to a stop?
Why one day the inconsistency of my actions bring me so
much pain and then the next or few days I still end up doing
the same thing all over again.
Getting more pain a/nd hurt even more.
Why?
Yes so many why's.
There's some parts of the lyric in a song
'Love them like Jesus' of the Casting Crowns that says
"The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a childs broken heart
You're holding her hand, you're straining her words.
You trying to make sense of it all
She's desperate for hope,darkness clouding her view.
She's looking to you
Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
And love her like Jesus.
The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night , blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away
Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you."
It's just easy to point on what's right or wrong.
Standing firm on what you think is "right" or "wrong"
starts the battle.
As for me. I will just keep resting on Him for I know
there will be a lot of questions from now on as I go along.
Do I really need to know all the answers to it?
Maybe yes.
Maybe no.
But one thing is needful. I'll just keep looking at the cross.
No buts or if's.
I am just thankful because as I continue to feel this way,
out of my confusions and my troubled heart..
Jesus' love for me has set me free!
The best prescription!
Now, I really need to do that haircut!
In this crazy, mad, fallen world, you don't need a hero. You only need Jesus!!
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oh Dinx, you got me curious. What is it that you are doing to yourself that hurts you? Don't answer, that's your privacy.
ReplyDeleteShare with you ok. When I first became a Christ believer, I had oh so much of bad habits, thoughts, deeds. Through time, the Holy Spirit inspired me to give up all that was not pleasing to God. Confession time, I still have one bad habit that I have actually held on to and not given up, smoking. It is so difficult to stop. ummmh I can't seem to stop, don't want to stop because I haven't actually given it up. Lately, I have this constant thought that I should stop, .... perhaps soon it will be time to give that up too.
Integrity wise I have always tried my very best to stand up to what is right and in the process got punished by the secular world, got castrated by them .... but it was all worth it. I did win some wonderful friends who still are friends even after 25 yrs.
It's difficult isn't it. At the end of it all you are right, we have Jesus, He is the most important of everything.
I love you Dinx and please take good care of yourself okay.
Haircut - my best hairdresser will always be Ronny from Ang Mo Kio. How I miss his cuts. Wish I was back home.
Hi Sandra, sometimes, in this world,
ReplyDeletewe are caught up in trap. That trap could be a habit, thoughts and emotions.
Right now, I'm trap and all wrap-up with my emotions. Some part of me says, it's wrong to have that emotion. That need alone..or wanting to get over that state is agonising. That's why it pains me.I know my emotion right now is tricking me. But that's all there is to it. It has to stop there, in Jesus' name!
Re: your smoking habit. I cannot pray for you to overcome it. I can only share you one guy in our church who has this testimony. He was a chain smoker for years. He knew that it was bad so..even while puffing up some smoke, he used some scriptures. He said everytime he puffed out a smoke, he declares " He is the righteousness of God in Christ." He just keeps repeating it.
Then one day, he just woke up not wanting to smoke anymore.
You can try it. Because God's word, is God's power!
Don't tire yourself up thinking too much on how to overcome it. Because you cannot..
But He will!
This is Dinx replying to your comment by the way..hugs and loves for you ..:)
ReplyDeleteHi Dinx, thanks for yr sharing of your church mate.
ReplyDeleteAbout yr emotions ... I don't like to speculate and I don't know exactly what they are and I don't want to guess ... but I want to share with you about me and those times when I was single and alone. I confessed to a young pastor once about my emotions and feelings (associated with me being single) .... I told him that I have these feelings and they're so enormous sometimes. He told me that as we are human being that it's okay to have a thought, a feeling, that it is normal. Important thing he said is to acknowledge that thought to Christ and tell Him, and thereafter, not to stay too long on that thought and move on. No matter how many times that feelings come to me that I should just acknowledge them to God because He understands. That pastor said he knew exactly how I feel because he too is single and that he too is human and he goes thru the same. From then on, accepting my feelings and telling them to my best friend Jesus was the best thing I ever did. I felt normal.
Another confession, after getting married at 39, heheheheh, whatever feelings I had as a single are just gone, gone with the wind. Then I prayed God please remove these feelings, now I pray God please give me those feelings ..... I understand that those feelings are gone because first, I am a diabetic, second, I am in my menopause.
Hang on child, everything will be okay in it's own time.
You can write to me at rainbowcolours attt hootmaiil dot com, if ever u feel you need to write to someone.