My Random Thoughts (Part1)

As a kid, I wasn't brought up with living in a nice, cozy,
air-conditioned room, having all the latest toys that I wanted
and all the fun stuffs a kid could ever wanted.It's not that my parents really didn't want to. It's because during those times, they had other priorities.
One of which was getting rid of that 'making-both-ends-meet' cycle.
As I have grown to my teen years, the cycle still kept coming on...

On and on and on.

Sometimes it got even worst. My late sister, being a hydrocephallic had made the hospital
her second home. And then my late dad, who was an alcoholic and a chain smoker back then, had suffered liver and heart disease. My mom gambled and had suffered hypertensions every once in awhile.
Yes, I can say that three of them were hospital-friendly.

Me? I was just watching over them as time went on. Kept wonderin what's it all about.
Kept questioning God alot of stuffs.

These events in my life had made me wonder. And boldly bombarded God with questions like
"Is this why the reason why you created me? To witness and feel all the bitterness and
hardships in this world?"

I could'nt just fathom. And I frozed with all those questions stucked in my head. Wonderin if God was real or not...

During those times, I didn't know Jesus that much. Being a Roman Catholic, I was more introduced to the Saints and Mama Mary which gave me an idea that Jesus was just one of them. I'm still glad though I was blessed enough to know a bit of Jesus
back then in my school since my parents were not church goers.

I remember as part of our Christian Living subject, we had to pray devotedly the rosary in the whole month of September. In the morning, before and after recess, and before we took off. For fours years of my highschool life, I dreaded that month. It was really a total bore for me. Out of desperation, I was able to ask our teacher why we needed to do that. She just said, "To honor" her and it is something that God wanted us to do.

Just that.

Then I concluded to myself, "That's why my parents don't go to church!"

That was the start of me not going to church and not choosing to be with Him maybe
because out of Fear or out of boredom.

I told God," You're such a boring God! If you're real why you demand so many things from us?
We have had enough troubles of our own and yet you still want a piece of us?!!"


Fastforward.

I graduated and have my own job.

I witnessed how the world turned out to be.
Earthquakes.
Tsunamis.
Murders.
AIDS.
Terrorism.
SARS.
Wars.
Deflation.
Recessions.


For 37 years of my life, these events are ever so present.
Not a single moment passed by that nothing of any these have come to stop.

Then I asked God again.

"Where are you? Why are you letting these things come to pass?
Are you having fun right now?! Look at your people! Look at the world!"

Somewhere ..you can see some Christians telling you
"God is mad! He is coming with fury because of your sins! Prostitutes! Corrupts!
Adulteries! Repeeent!"

Adding insult to injury.
I hated Jesus.

(To be continued)