Integrity- Where Am I?

"Integrity"

Funny how this word can strike me twice in a day.

Once, when a friend of mine,
...upon knowing I still keep doing the things that hurt me the most.
And why I don't stand firm on the things that I believe to be are 'right'.
or as categorized as right have asked me 'Where's my integrity ?'

Twice, in my cellgroup. The topic of the night
It's where some characters on the book of Daniel
have shown integrity towards God inspite of their endangered situation.

As my friend puts it. Integrity is

"-standing for what is true
-being honest..about yourself, about your life, about ur convictions
and standing for it even if your circumstances or situation is endangered
another term wich can be related with integrity is compromise.."


In my current situation, "integrity" seems so hard to fathom.
For I know I have not been so honest with myself lately.
Moreover, grasping the thought of 'standing firm'
to what seem to be is right doesn't give me enough reasons
to just give in. Yeah Im stubborn alright.

Why am I still doing things that I know must come to a stop?
Why one day the inconsistency of my actions bring me so
much pain and then the next or few days I still end up doing
the same thing all over again.
Getting more pain a/nd hurt even more.

Why?

Yes so many why's.

There's some parts of the lyric in a song
'Love them like Jesus' of the Casting Crowns that says

"The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a childs broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining her words.
You trying to make sense of it all
She's desperate for hope,darkness clouding her view.
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
And love her like Jesus.

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night , blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you."

It's just easy to point on what's right or wrong.
Standing firm on what you think is "right" or "wrong"
starts the battle.

As for me. I will just keep resting on Him for I know
there will be a lot of questions from now on as I go along.

Do I really need to know all the answers to it?

Maybe yes.
Maybe no.

But one thing is needful. I'll just keep looking at the cross.
No buts or if's.
I am just thankful because as I continue to feel this way,
out of my confusions and my troubled heart..
Jesus' love for me has set me free!

The best prescription!

Now, I really need to do that haircut!