Emotionally tortured..

It's been days now that I have suffered and been tortured emotionally.

I cannot go on and live like this. It's sickening and I know God doesn't
want me to live this way.

For several times, I tried , on my own effort,to come and understand
the whole situation, be a friend to the person and all, deal the situation
normally, accept that it happened, forget the past..move on!

But I failed.

I can only feel so much pain, anger and madness deep within me.

Being cheated on really sucks big time!

I thought of my pride, my ego, much more to "my self" all the time!
Yeah, Am I getting too selfish?

Maybe I am.

And it really sucks the spirit out of you..

I tried with all my might and power to be sane, understanding
and be forgiving...

...but I cannot.

Now, I live it all to God.

So, now...I come to take my "Getaway box"...

I put in my "Getaway Box" that person and all the feelings, bad and evil thoughts,
remorse, hatred, deception,madness and our memories in it.

(Deep sigh)



There you go!

No need to take pills. Just a little creativity with God will do. Lolx!

I now bind this whole situation to go and be cast out unto the sea, setting me free!
This will be over soon! No, I mean RIGHT NOW as I'm typing this!
I pray, in J E S U S name!
AMEN!

My heart is crushed...

I just discovered some truths today..and it hurts...so deeply that I just cried and cried...

Someone that I loved for 8years has betrayed and cheated on me.
It's devastating.
The pain has strucked my heart so bad it goes to all my nerves and shaking my entire
soul..

For now...

I call unto the Lord for comfort...and strength..to withstand all these.




pause..




deep pause...



(cried)



(sobs)




I know He has His own mysterious ways of going things around.

It maybe bad, sad and very hurtful on my part..
but I can only proclaim, the Lord has set me FREE!

Yeah!
I may not be able to understand it for now..but in the end I am sure, I'd be thankful
that this has happened to me...

Right now.. all I can do is mourn...cry....be sad...totally down but not out!
I will feel this moment today for I know this shall be my victory tomorrow.

My flesh says, "go out and clubbing..drink..be merry and find someone else!"

But no! I am not going to do any of that at all just because I'm hurt..
(Well, I used to..that's before Jesus has come into my life.)


I still trust in the LORD...for He is my refuge and I will stand tall to His Words.

Like the loss of my father and sister...financial setbacks...and now
a failed-relationship...

I can only say... Thank you Jesus!

Someday, I'm gonna look back on this blog with no regrets but with a smile in my face and peace in my heart..
:)

The One Thing...

Terrorism
Wars
School shootouts
SARS
AIDS
Cyclones
Floods
Tsunamis
Earthquakes
Depression
Sadness
Boredom
Untimely deaths
Bad relationships
.... the list is endless..

I can only look up to Jesus for protection, comfort and peace within
from all these..

I'm Making Pancakes!

Six -year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.

He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.

Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad.

He didn't know what to do nex t, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked!. Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.

And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him.

Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!

That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour.

Sometimes we just stand the r e in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.

But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to 'make pancakes' for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried...

I was thinking, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, 'I love you' can heal & bless! Remind every one of your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don't love back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile, and a reminder like this can do.

Just in case I haven't told you lately... I LOVE YA!!!
Please pass some of this love on to others....suppose one morning you were called to God; do all your friends know you love them?

Send this to everyone you love, and send it back to the person who sent it to you.. And never stop 'making pancakes.'

A "typical" Christian

Just lately, my flesh was in a battle..
Let me post my blog that I have saved in my cellphone for a week now.

May 11,2008
A 'typical' Christian

Ok.Someone has cheated on me and I'm furious!
Out of that rage came out saying bad things..mean
thoughts and all.(I didn't say the 4-letter word though.Or even cursing stuffs to that person.)

I'm just an ordinary person,enraged!
Angry!
Mad for being cheated on.
Then I share it to my non-Christian friends.
What I got?
They judged me! Saying things like,'Look at you, You praise God so much.You are so 'religious' and here u are, acting not what a Christian should do!
It stinged my ears!
So what a Chrisitan should do in situations like this?

I know some would just say, leave it to God,stay calm, don't say bad words because you're a Christian.

Hey!I know I am suppose to act that way..but at the moment,where anger fills my heart-- I CANNOT!


I'm not perfect. If I am then I won't be needing Jesus after all!
Yes! I am Christian. But I'm not holy yet!(just yet)
I hate hearing these kinds of remarks putting a badge on Christians.Judging us as if we don't have feelings anymore.That when you are a Christian, YOU DON't HAVE THE RIGHT to feel or say these things anymore because yeah you're such a Christian!
Reminds me so much of the Pharisees!

I know Jesus has taught us to 'love our enemies'..
I wish I am to become like Jesus in just a snap of a finger..then I could just forgive..and forget..But the way in the world doesn't just work that way!

For now, I'm in a situation where I cannot just forgive yet. So will that make me a bad Christian? A "typical" Christian?

These things somehow are shaking me and my faith.
When I look unto the cross, I feel guilty. Thinking after all what Jesus did in the calvary, getting all the blows and the whippings I fear I might be putting His name in vain because of my own "bad" actions.."



Well, that was a week ago and somehow God has answered it when I went to my service yesterday.


"Where sins abound, the Grace of God Supernaturally abounds.."

..it's where I have failed, and fallen-short that God's love and Grace wraps me
inside out more and beyond.

Where I am most undeserving..God still loves me..and great Grace will flow through me.
As God speaks it.. I won't need to fear of any judgement at all.

Amazing isn't it?

I will get the exact verse of the Bible next time..

Now, I can walk tall..and still feel God's love no matter what happens.

I claim it because that's my inheritance from Christ!
I need to do it..because that's all I got in this world..
Thank you Jesus for the CROSS!

I Stand In Worship

It is not about my faults and imperfections...
..It's all about Jesus..

Posting one of my fave songs from the album "I See Grace" of
New Creation Church..

Enjoy the moment.Let us sing praise for our Lord, our redeemer, protector and healer..
Thank you Jesus!

Oprah Denies Christ

Whatever happened to Oprah..No one can tell. God has given us all freewill..
Sometimes, I have doubts in my beliefs too but Jesus is keeping me back to Him always. I don't know how He does it but I can tell and feel it's working deep within me.

With Oprah, let her come to her own senses..Someday she will get weary and end up with God.Because God is a big and a good God..He is mighty and powerful! That's for sure!

With God's own time, Oprah will be back in our loving Father's arms again.:)